Part of my slow comeback has to involve racing, either as an honest indicator of my fitness or because of peer pressure. More often, the latter. I don't bandit, though. Only scumbags bandit. Some runners might want to disguise their identities out of concern for their egos- they don't want their names attached to substandard times. Although I give that as the typical excuse if I don't want to explain my more twisted motivations, this gradual fitness buildup gives me an opportunity to give fictitious runners who already exist a chance to run. It's good for a laugh, and to pay homage to
Candy Cane City 5k
Erin Gemmill is one of my best friends with whom I commiserate daily about our fading speed and expanding BMI. In 2008 she had an unfortunate haircut that rendered her looking like a boy. Also, her voice has a low tambre that sounds like Barry White. I frequently call her "sir." At times, I came across a guy's name in race results, Eric Gemmill, which I thought was funny. Then I realized Aaron Gemmill was so obvious I had to go with it.
YMCA Turkey Trot 5k
Steve Strelick is my training partner in Pittsburgh who, despite marrying his wife, Christina Keck, twice (long story), she has refused to take his last name. She has registered with teh last names Keck, Keck-Strelick, and Strelick, but legally remains Keck. When Steve went to have his hair cut, Christina made the appointment for him, and the barber (or stylist, I know how much attention Steve likes to give his hair) assumed they shared a last name. At the Turkey Trot, they did...
Gutbuster 4 Mile
Gary Kline (seen below with Michelle Corkum)
Steve Garand joined the Hounds in 2007, eager to find a competitive team with which he could improve. His quirky personality made him a lot of friends, but his secondary e-mail address made him a legend.
I got an e-mail from him one day, but the "From" section said "Gary Kline." No idea.... anyway, I asked him, and this was his response:
"That is my buy stuff with and expect spam account. I try to make it as untraceable as I can. I didn't realize the bogus name shows up in e-mail sent to others."
Ryan Jobes 5k
Lauren Elizabeth Shaub registered for the Pittsburgh Great Race under her full name. In the results, her middle name was truncated, so she appeared as "Lauren Eli Shaub." I thought that was hilarious. She did for a while, too.
She doesn't seem to think it's too funny now. That's why there's no photo.
I was fourth, so this actually wound up in a newspaper article.
Names for the future: Michael Conteam = Michelle Corkum (From the Brookline Breeze)
Brandon Gillyhans = Brandon Gillingham(From the BLAZIN 5k)
Charlie Sullivan = Andrew Sutherland (From Hack totally messing up his Carnegie Mellon Invitational entry in 2006)
Also, at the 2007 Steelers 5k, despite registering electronically, I was called "Charlie Banyas," most likely because there were two other runners named Banyas and the clerk just messed up.
Who knows where these runners will show up...